Giving And Receiving Criticism - Part 4
"It’s not being humble or godly to respond to every criticism just because you don’t want the conflict, or because you are a bit of a people pleaser at heart."
As we come to our last post in this series on giving and receiving criticism, we'll be looking at the final three points in this subject.
Don’t change something that shouldn’t be changed, just to avoid conflict and be a people pleaser
This is a really important point. It’s not being humble or godly to respond to every criticism just because you don’t want the conflict, or because you are a bit of a people pleaser at heart.
All that will do is bring you into more bondage and put you at great risk of becoming resentful, bitter and unforgiving.
As a pastor once said, “If the shoe fits, wear it - but don’t let someone try to force a shoe on that really doesn’t fit.”
If you see no validity at all in the criticism, verify this with a trusted friend, then move on with a clear conscience
Why did I say to verify with a trusted friend? It's because blind spots are called blind spots for a reason, and that’s because the only people who don’t see them are us!
So, while you may initially see no validity in the criticism, if you run it past a trusted friend, you may be surprised or encouraged by their response. It might actually be something they have also seen or agree with. Or, they might agree with you, giving you the confidence to put the criticism off to the side and move on with a clear conscience.
But what happens when that one person keeps coming back with more and more clearly unwarranted criticisms?
Well, let's look at the final point...
Direct all repeat-offender unwarranted critics to your pastor
It's actually really simple, and it shouldn’t be something you have to deal with alone. If it’s a constant distraction, then that's when it becomes a pastoral issue. In most cases, your pastor or leaders should be happy to step in and deal with the situation.
So that’s 7 pointers on receiving criticism. As we conclude this series on giving and receiving criticism, I want to just remind you that this is really all related to our role as a church piano player. What I mean by this is that most of the criticism we are talking about is related to music, or the music ministry, rather than being moral or character criticism. There is still a place for that, but that really falls under the scope of correction that should be handled by elders, rather than on a member-to-member level. So, I hope that clarifies the focus of these pointers.
Let me go through them one more time…
Thank the person for being willing to speak to you (there will be others who didn’t!)
Don’t necessarily agree, or accept the criticism, but say you will have a think and pray about it
Don’t change something that shouldn’t be changed, just to avoid conflict and be a people pleaser
If you see no validity at all in the criticism, verify this with a trusted friend, then move on with a clear conscience
Direct all repeat-offender unwarranted critics to your pastor
So, as you continue in your role as a church piano player, I hope this helps you to both receive and give criticism in a biblical manner, which will bring glory to God.
[Return to The Church Piano Player Website]
This blog post was written by pastor and pianist Kris Baines, from The Church Piano Player. Kris lives in the UK with his family, having recently moved back from New Zealand where he worked as a pastor for the past 26 years (also leading worship/worship teams). Kris has also spent over 35 years writing, recording, and performing music and is now bringing all that combined experience together to help equip church piano/keyboard players.
Check out the church piano player website for more information on online courses by Kris Baines.
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